Wake up! Time to die. ? Allegoryinmotion's Blog

Don?t worry. It?s not time?yet. It will be, eventually. When it?s time, will you be ready? I?m not ready; psychologically, emotionally, ?spiritually?, sure. I can dig it, it can dig me. Weep all ye loved ones, I?ll peep my last chirp whenever the time comes and I?ll go without argument. Whether I snap to nothing, travel to heave ghostly sighs of unfinished business, or some other such yet-to-be-thought-of?inevitable?end, I?m really okay with it.

Chalk it up to a few years in recovery, or having led a pretty interesting life with all kinds of interesting things stuffed in it, I accept things as they are and won?t argue with what can?t be controlled. There is no known cure for heartbreak, the common cold, or death. So, what are ya gonna do? Getting pissed doesn?t help. Vitamin C doesn?t help. Prolonging a heartbeat with a machine doesn?t help either. Situations will catch you when they catch you. Embrace it.

There is so much fear around death, so much denial. We know it?s there, but we don?t want to touch it. Being interested in it,?studying it incessantly,?I?ve often been met with curiosity from friends and family. Curiosity is the word I?m leaving out there to define all of the reactions I?ve gotten. Along the way, I?ve read some highly informative?books?and articles, seen some?cool films?on death and dying, met some?breathtakingly amazing people, and toured?vital sites of death.

The work I do focuses on a few things. First, the socioeconomics of death and dying. The literal?cost of death. To die a good death is to die privileged in many cases. Like the birth industry, the death industry is a many-headed hydra that perpetuates fiscal misery for those left in the wake of its scorn. Second, death and altruism. You may have heard of a program of volunteerism called, NODA (No One Dies Alone). These folks sit vigil with those dying by themselves, willingly donating hours, sometimes days to offer comfort to the lonely dying. Third, death in popular culture, which, as of late has become the intersection of horror, heavy metal, and religion. In June ?13, I will be a part of a symposium at the University of Victoria called, ?South of Heaven: Heavy Metal and Religion? where I?ll present a paper entitled, ?Terror Most Sacred: Heavy Metal as Satanic Messenger in Horror?Films & Music Videos.?

In my research and travels, I?ve thought deeply on my own death and what tasks I?ll leave behind for my loved ones. In my quest to die a ?Good Death?, one that hopefully will result in my dying peacefully and the way I want, including what to do with my body after expiration, I?m faced with some interesting choices, not the least of which is who to entrust with my plan of action. I am not wealthy, I do not have equity. I cannot afford a funerary plot, nor do I know for sure that I want one. I?m terrified of drowning and burning to death, and so I have hesitations about cremation, even though at the heart of it I don?t believe anything is left after death. I find the funeral industry rude at its heart, and don?t want to participate in some sort of tradition with which I don?t associate. After reading?Mary Roach?s?STIFF: The Curious Lives of Human Cadavers,?I want to donate my organs even less.?I?d like my life celebrated, but cannot predict the reactions of my friends and family to my death; is it unfair of me to force people to grieve their loss in the way I would want to grieve?

As I trip along in life, trying to live it to its fullest and without regret, I know there are some things I have to take care of to ensure a death without stress, which at the end of the day is all I really want. Possessing the freedom to die in a way that I want, but to do so selflessly is tricky. I have a Death To-Do List that remains open. Death is final, right? We can?t control it, or when it happens. All we can do is manage some choices and try and set things up for the financial part to not weigh too heavy on our next of kin. Perhaps the most important choice is to decide who must bear the burden of decision-making when it comes to things like life-prolonging machinery or body disposal. This might not be who we think it should be. The gut choice is usually the person closest to us, since this is the person we think we can trust with our end-of-life plan. This might be the worst decision one can make; we cannot predict emotional reactions of others, and we certainly cannot assume people would react the way we would; and really, how do we know our reaction to our own death? We don?t.

The list, some call it a Death Plan, might include the following questions/issues to grapple with:

• What do you want to be told if your condition is terminal?
• Where do you want to be laid up if you?re terminally ill? Hospital? Hospice? Home?
  • Who will be your Care?Team?
    • Wrangle some willing friends to do some dirty work. Seriously. Dying can be ugly. Make sure you don?t care who?s gonna comb your hair and erm, wipe your nether regions if need be.
  • Will your present insurance cover in-home hospice?
• Do you want DNR (Do Not Resuscitate) paperwork to be filled out if you?re terminally ill or have a life-threatening accident? If you do, take care of that now. You can do an easy websearch on how to do this in your area. Start at your hospital of choice. See next bullet.
• Choose a hospital/emergency room. Seriously. Do this.
• Do some research on top surgeons, cancer docs, etc. in your area. You can choose who you want to have your people call. Make sure those folks are carried on your insurance.
• Life-Insurance Policy. Dumb not to have one. Not expensive. If you have a job, you can afford it.
• How do you want to be treated if you?re dying? Do you want all the information, up-to-the-minute? Nothing like laying in a hospital while they talk about you. It sucks. You want it straight and to the point? Let your people know.
• Got a bucket list? Get one. Doesn?t matter how healthy and young you think you are. Bucket lists are supposed to be part of your life, not for the end of your life.
• Decide now, and be sure about it, what you want done with your body.
  • Cremation: Find out the laws around it. Shop around. Don?t get taken for a ride by the funeral industry. They?re manipulative and want your money. Buy your urn now. Figure out who?s going to schlep it home. Are you going to divvy up the ashes? Sprinkle them? Assign one trusted person (not a relative) to take care of this for you. People get weird about death and ashes. Be very specific.
  • Burial: Here?s where the Funeral Industry will also get you. Pick out a casket or pick out a price range. It?s not cheap. In fact, it?s out of control. For my money, you can wrap me in a burlap sack, throw me in the ground, and plant a pear tree. Actually, that?s exactly what I want. No embalming, no make-up, no casket with a bunch of ridiculous material my dead body won?t appreciate (seriously ? the Industry will try to sell you a comforting mattress for your casket). This is important, because the cost is ridiculously prohibitive. Shop around. Shop around. No, really.?Shop around. Know what your choices are and again, pick someone to take care of this for you. Stash the paperwork. Be specific.
• Get a Death Crew. You can?t assume you?re going to be the first one to die, so make sure you?ve got like four or five handlers for the job. People you trust. Not your family. Maybe?your?family. Just not my family. This has nothing to do with love. It?s about being pragmatic about death.
• Who do you want to be around when you die? Pick someone from your Death Crew to be in charge of that ? and to be in charge of dealing with anyone who freaks out. You?re dying, you?ll want the space chill.
• Put together a Death Packet. Pictures you want to look at, a couple/few favorite books or comics, a play list, some incense if you?re so inclined. Snacks are probably good, too. If you?re in a hospital they?ll be restrictive but you?re dying, so who cares? Tell someone in your Death Crew you want that dark chocolate covered marzipan and some gumdrops. Stuff like that. If you bail out in a hospital or hospice/nursing home, what do want to look at, read, or listen to?
• Got a massage therapist that you love? Ask them if they wouldn?t mind being there. Make sure someone in your Death Crew has their number. Massage is the stuff of life. I imagine it?s rockin in the days toward dying.
• Do you care what you look like? If you do, have someone in your DC be in charge of that and include it in your death plan.
• Take care of your bills. If you?re anything like me, you won?t have everything paid off. So do what you can now and make sure your Life Insurance Policy can cover the rest. Don?t be the jerk that leaves debt to your kids or other such unlucky relative. And remember, school loans die with you.
• Speaking of bills, it costs money to die. Take care of that for people. You save money for tattoos and vacations? Save money for your Good Death.

This is in my craw lately. Death doesn?t have to be cumbersome or burdensome, but it is gonna happen and when it does, it won?t be pleasant. It will be work for others. How much work it?s going to be is up to you.

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This entry was posted on November 3, 2012 at 11:39 am and is filed under Uncategorized . You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.

Source: http://allegoryinmotion.wordpress.com/2012/11/03/wake-up-time-to-die/

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